OPEN UP - A LITTLE
It finally arrived via Mumbai from US; ‘Living in Emergency’ – ‘Stories of doctors without borders’ is the movie and living in emergency is what it is all about. It is about a group of doctors who have associated themselves with ‘Medical San Frontiers’. San Frontiers is a volunteering organization which provides medical aid in calamity of natural and man- made cause – where deaths and medical emergencies are the cup of the day, every day.
And if that is so, my life's purpose lie here where am i born for there are lot of things that could be changed and there are many peopled to be helped for a better life right here? And this is what we together as friends are trying out; but there again as we are coming back after visiting our group of kids in a child home one of the juniors guy volunteering with us asked " Anna Why we do this? , Is this some authentic work that we do?"
Really my heart has asked me those questions a thousand times. What am I trying to do here working with these kids? Am I imparting something in their life? Or am I just imparting something within me?
I Really don't know!!!!!!!!!But then again when Somalia or Rwanda suffers the inner heart says you should be there and not here lying in couch.
Mind is a devil which plays poisonous games with you. And my mind started playing it very early for me and at twenty five years of age I have seen many things. I have traveled in A/C coupe and also in a leg and a half in unreserved compartments. I had situations where I could understand life of a call girl, about poverty. I have seen and travelled all that I could. And one basic common thing is everybody runs towards something. Some needs to be first in class, for some it is money, for some it is business, for some it is just daily errands and for some it is just survival. This life has created a vast difference in terms of equality which can never be bridged.
Even I fall in this group which runs towards something. I have a lot left to achieve. I wanted to define myself I wanted history to remember me but for whom I wanted to do this? For no-one asked me to do. It is for my selfishness, for my self-satisfaction. But really why I run? Where I run?, I don’t know. And through this so-called achievement, which If I may to achieve, will it serve the purpose of my life is question that can never be answered.
One thing is in the past 3, 4 years I have realized that I will never get satisfied with myself. I want to do and change everything which I know is impossible. But then maybe time will teach as it has taught many so in the past. Maybe it will let me realize what I really need to do and where my purpose of life could be fulfilled. Until then let me seek, seek and let me continue to seek
(Why I wrote this, for whom I wrote this I don't know; maybe it is just written to my heart to lay rest and not jump too much for now)